HOPE - the secret to remaining happy despite life's challenges

All of us have different circumstances that make us struggle at one time or another.  For some, with health problems for example, this struggle may be a daily occurrence.  Maintaining a positive attitude despite your circumstance will really help you, and those around you, feel better.  No doubt, when you are struggling with something, this can be a real challenge. 

The other day I was with my physiotherapist.  She was giving me some exercises to do and insisted that they do nothing to improve my walking, but will only help me maintain where I am today (which is pretty bad at the moment).  Try as I might to convince her otherwise, she contended that I would remain as I am no matter how I tried to improve myself.  I refused to argue with her any further, but believed in my heart that she was wrong and left.

Her opinion could have really demoralized me, but it didn't.  Why?  In one word:  HOPE.  I always hope to get better and really believe it.  I have been told that I have an illness that progresses with time, but that won't stop me from having the hope that it won't be true for me.  In fact, it hasn't been true for many people who have gotten better and lead normal lives today.  The ones who improved had hope, and used healthy diets, exercise and meditation to get better and to improve their quality of life.  Research is being conducted around the clock to find a cure and/or find ways to better manage the symptoms of this illness.  I also believe in miracles. They do happen and I have the belief that they can happen for me too.  I've seen it happen for others, so why not me? 

Most of the people we meet have good intentions and they aren't trying to hurt us with their negative comments.  Many, like my physiotherapist, just don't want people like me to have unrealistic expectations.  Never lose hope though.  No one knows what is around the corner.  A cure perhaps?  A surgery that could change your life?  A new product that could mimic walking as well as a person without this illness?  Who knows, but there are dozens of possibilities that could change your life for the better overnight.

Have hope that you will get better, and you will immediately feel better!  You will be inspired and propelled to do your best to help yourself get better.  And when I do, I will pay a visit to my physiotherapist and show her that miracles do happen!

How I Remain Positive with a Devastating Illness

You've been diagnosed with an incurable illness that generally progresses with time - what will your future hold, and will you ever be happy again?  The news is devastating, but please be assured that you are still in control of your life, and happiness can be yours if you choose it.

Seventeen years ago, I was diagnosed with an incurable illness - multiple sclerosis (MS).  I've had many attacks on my body and am at a place now where walking unassisted is not really possible; and just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I have learned a lot about myself, about life, and about others along the way, and I want to share with you how I remain happy despite these adversities.

First, I found out everything I possibly could about these illnesses.  Know your enemy.  When I first thought of MS, I envisioned canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  What we imagine can be much worse than the real thing.  Through my research I learned that there are different kinds of MS, and it can be controlled somewhat with diet, exercise and attitude.  Working at keeping yourself as healthy as possible will give you a sense of power and control over the illness.

Surround yourself with positive, happy people.  I read countless books that gave me hope like "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, "Ask and it is Given" by Esther Hicks, and watched television shows that guaranteed a good laugh like Seinfeld. As they say, laughter is the best medicine.

Exercise.  Your body needs to move, no matter how far along the illness is, and exercise will not only greatly improve your body, but also your mood.

Help others, it will make a world of difference to both you and them.  Firstly, it will help you to focus your energy away from the illness and any negativity that may come with it.  Secondly, it helps you to realize that others have it hard too and need your help.  The golden rule says that there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving, so thirdly, you will feel so good and happy to know that you have the power and ability to make a difference in the lives of others in need.  And finally, those you are helping will be encouraged by your self-sacrificing and will be motivated to help others too. What you give out to others, tends to return to you tenfold.

Looking forward to something in the near future will also help to keep you happy.  Whether it's a vacation away, a movie out with a loved one, or a dinner with friends and family, having something to look forward to will keep your spirits up.

Believe that you will get well - whether from science or from a higher power.  There are countless doctors and researchers working on a cure, and things can change overnight.  Believe that it will.  This faith and hope has made a huge difference to me, and is what keeps me going - the belief that whatever happens, I will bounce back.  There is stem cell research that can regenerate mobility that has been lost.  I even heard the other day that researchers are not too far away from doing a full head transplant onto a donor body.  Crazy I know, but this could be the answer for someone completely incapacitated.

Take the time to focus on all the good in your life and write down all that you have for which to be grateful.  You will soon realize that there are many great things to dwell on other than the illness.

Whenever I walk down the road with my cane and a big smile on my face, it always seems to surprise people.  It's like they expect me to be sad, but when I smile it serves as an inspiration to them, and I can't tell you how many times they have said this to me.  You can be an inspiration to others too.  As the good book says, "when I am weak, then I am powerful".  If you don't feel like smiling, try to fake it until you make it.  You'll be surprised how quickly it will come naturally for you and in turn, bring you joy.

There is no explanation as to why this illness has manifested itself, but you have the power to not let it consume you while maintaining a happy life.  Nobody on this earth knows what good or bad is around the corner.  All we can do is live our lives in a way that will bring us, and those around us, the greatest happiness.

One woman's journey to expand her family

In 2009, at the age of 40 and many unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant naturally, I went through fertility testing.   The results of the tests, received September 2, 2009, indicated that I had a follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) level of 20 and 2 follicles in my ovaries.  At the time, these results meant nothing to me however I now understand what a low probability I had of getting pregnant.  I learned that an FSH level of 20 is quite high while 2 follicles is extremely low.  My understanding is the lesser the follicles, the higher the FSH level as your body increases this level to try to stimulate follicle growth in your ovaries (the reason for which it's called the Follicle Stimulating Hormone). 

The doctor explained that my only option was in vitro fertilization (IVF) at which point I asked for a detailed description of the process.  As she started to inform me that the process began on the 3rd of the menstrual cycle I stopped  listening.  I was in the midst of my cycle that day and my first day was on August 31 so I began counting.  August 31 - day 1, September 1 - day 2, September 2 - DAY 3!  Oh my gosh! It was day 3!  I asked whether I could start the process immediately since it was day 3 of my cycle.  She walked away to discuss this with the Director of the facility, returned and informed me that I was able to start but would have to wait a long while before seeing the next doctor.  That day, I began the IVF journey to become a mom.  I spent the next 7 days injecting hormones in the morning and evening, going to the clinic every second morning for ultrasounds and blood tests to monitor my follicle growth and hormone levels.  The good news was that my ovaries produced 4 - 5 follicles, a very exciting outlook having begun with an indication of 2.

On the 9th day, a procedure to collect the eggs was performed which resulted in 3 eggs, even more exciting!  I spent the entire day, evening and night focused on fertilization.  I envisioned, reiterated the word and constantly thought "fertilize." In my mind's eye, I could see the two cells in an egg and that's all I could think about.  The laboratory called us the following day and informed us that one of the three eggs fertilized.  Although my immediate reaction was a disappointing "oh, only one" my next thought was "this is the one! This is my little survivor!"  I had an exceedingly positive feeling that this was the one! This was my baby and all would be fine.

The next day, Sunday September 13, 2009 (a day I will not forget) my husband and I went to the clinic to have the embryo transferred into my uterus.  Before the embryo is placed into the uterus, it is put on a television screen for us to see, live and real time!  I wasn't aware that we would see the embryo, live, so remember feeling happily surprised that I had such a wonderful opportunity to see my future child as a four-celled embryo. Suddenly I realized that this process was a gift.  Had I gotten pregnant naturally, I would have missed this, what I feel is a grand opportunity.  I was afforded the chance to see my future child start life before it evolved into human form, before it had a heart, before it had veins, eyes, a head.  I saw it at the very beginning stages when it was simply four cells wrapped in a protective shield (called the zona) providing it with a safe place to continue its cell multiplication in the process of becoming my baby.  They transferred it from the petri dish to a catheter and into my uterus in a very specific location giving it the utmost chance of survival.  I was told to lie there for 15 minutes just to give the little embryo a chance to settle in, although it will float around the uterus for approximately 4 days.  This was a tremendously exciting feeling and I said, Welcome Home while putting my hands on my lower abdomen.

Then came the two week waiting period which can be excruciating. The waiting period is filled with physiological and psychological changes.  I was continuing to inject hormones, progesterone, on a daily basis as part of the continued protocol to increase my chances of getting pregnant.  These hormones can give the person the same symptoms as being pregnant which certainly doesn't make it easy during this waiting period.  My senses were on hyper-alert, paying attention to every little feeling I had.  On one hand I was trying to maintain a calm, even keel and be realistic to the possibility that this might not succeed. On the other hand, staying positive, envisioning being pregnant, giving birth and holding my baby for the first time was also floating through my mind's eye.  The challenging part of this two week wait is trying to stay balanced between the two thoughts.  I didn't want to be overly positive resulting in a potential crash with disappointment if it failed however I didn't want to exude negative energy potentially sabotaging the success of the embryo implanting.   This was the biggest struggle throughout this period of time all the while, your body is feeling every little sensation, every cramp, headache, pain, soreness and/or bloating.  Ughhh!

Then comes the time to visit the clinic for the HCG blood test - the test you hope will be positive and indicate that you're pregnant.  At the beginning of this process I had envisioned texting my husband "We did it! It worked! I'm Pregnant!"  Now I sat in the waiting room waiting to be called in for the blood test.  My heart was beating directly into my ears.  I had had no bleeding, I had cramps, my boobs were sore and I had headaches.  Could I be pregnant?  Was this simply a result of the progesterone injections? Am I? Am I not? Try not to think about it because after the blood test comes the call.....

What it's like to have an illness that you can hide from no one...

Imagine someone asked you to walk through a huge room of people - some of them friends, most of them strangers.  This would be no typical walk about.  Before you could begin your trek, you would have to sit cross legged on the floor until both legs were numb.  You would have to wear 20-30 pound weights on each leg - that nobody would be able to see.  And finally, you would be spun around until you were dizzy enough to nearly fall down.  Nobody else in the room would be aware of the pre-requisites to this walk.

As you enter the room, you would use all your energy trying not to make a scene, yet despite your best efforts, you would be noticed.  Many would look at you puzzled, unsure what to make of you.  Some would offer you a helping hand.  Others would wonder if you were drunk and look away with a laugh or in partial disgust.   Within minutes you would feel exhausted beyond belief, and would be forced to sit down to regain your strength.  While seated you would feel fine and would appear to be normal once again to all, but you would eventually need to get up, and the cycle would begin all over again.

The above situation would be more bearable IF it was a one time occurrence, but unfortunately it's not.  You will now wake up every day with numb legs and feet.  It will seem like 25 pounds have been added to each leg, and you will have a loss of balance that will make you feel as if you could fall at any given moment.  You will have test after test after MRI and eventually be told that you have an incurable disease that generally progresses with time.  You will have multiple sclerosis (MS).

So how in the world do you deal with this?  I can tell you from personal experience, having had this illness for 17 years, that it's not easy.   One of the most important things I've learned in life is that EVERYONE has something in their life to deal with that is just as debilitating to them as the MS is to me.  I always remember this whenever I feel like throwing a pity party.  So many people today are suffering in silence since their problem is not obvious to all the way mine is.  True, mine is a biggie, but I can honestly say that I would not be the person I am today without it.

I have learned what an absolutely amazing husband I have who is always there for me, as frustrating as I'm sure it is for him.  Due to this illness, I met some absolutely fantastic people who have become as close to me as sisters.  They suffer from the same illness as me, and share the same beliefs as well - that we would rather spend our time finding ways to make the best of our situation, staying as healthy and as fit as possible, helping each other through our highs and lows. The wonderful friends I have who don't share this illness definitely understand and help me in ways too numerable to mention here.  And last but certainly not least, I have my family who taught me to be positive no matter what life throws at you.

We are who we are due to our life experiences and how we choose to handle them.  No one said life would be easy or fair, but we can make it the best life possible if we choose to make it that way.  In my next blog, I'll discuss specific ways I use to stay positive.

The law of attraction is physics continued...

As I mentioned in my previous post, many people had been trying to set me up with Barry who had voiced his disinterest in the past.  I forgot to mention that Barry is a doctor which will only be important in the sense that everyone wanting to set me up kept mentioning this.  I continued to disregard their requests until the 8th and last one occurred because of its oddity.

Before the oddity - on August 23, 2008 I remember feeling incredibly grateful as I was writing in my journal but had connected my passion for finding the man I wanted with what I was describing over time.  I remember writing the following in my journal with a huge smile on my face, sparkle in my eye and passion in my veins (for the first time)

"I want to meet a man who is kind, sweet, loving, caring, passionate, concerned, sensitive to my needs, worldy, intelligent, financially stable, tall, dark hair, physically fit or partially active, humble, enjoys staying home more than going out, runs or jogs, is honest, learns from mistakes, understanding, wise, spiritual, warm, affectionate, loves me for who I am."

Yes I know this is quite a big list, but at the same time it was an honest one, where I was able to identify traits on which I wouldn't compromise and ones where I would.  The person with whom I wanted to share my life HAD to be kind, sweet, loving, caring, passionate, concerned (which meant compassionate), sensitive to my needs, intelligent, financially stable, somewhat active, humble, honest, learns from mistakes, understanding, wise, spiritual, warm, affectionate and loves me for who I am.  The traits on which I would compromise were tall, dark hair, enjoys staying at home more than going out, runs or jogs.

Now back to my 8th set up:

In the beginning of September my friend went out to a restaurant to celebrate a birthday with a close friend.  When they were being seated by the hostess they happened to start a conversation about whether she was single.  She informed them that she had recently been set up with someone whom she was dating but continued to say she was to be originally set up with another man.  She heard so many good things about this man, a doctor, that she asked my friend if he knew a nice single with whom she can fix him up.  My friend immediately called me from the restaurant and said, do you want to be fixed up?  I was quite confused by the call and the question - more disoriented - because I knew he had just gone out for dinner with his friend, who was married.  What could have happened from then to now that caused him to want to set me up with someone.... I said, what are you talking about? With who? He said, I don't know his name but he's supposed to be a really nice man and a doctor.  I said, is his name Barry?  He didn't even know his name and I knew immediately, oh my goodness it's Barry!  After several days, we discovered that it was the same Barry and I thought, the universe MUST be telling me something.  I simply wasn't listening.

Although I thought he wasn't interested, it seemed that the universe, something or someone (many of them) wanted us to go out on a date.  I thus went into Facebook, looked him up and sent him a message.  I briefly told him how many people approached me over the past year about setting us up for a date and asked if he would be interested in going out for supper.  I also told him, knowing or thinking that he wasn't interested, to feel completely comfortable in telling me if he`s uninterested as I understood that we all have our preferences and I may not be his.  This was my way of telling him the "banana story" I had once heard on the oprah show.

The banana story is about some people liking bananas while others don't but there's nothing wrong with the banana!  If I was a banana and he didn't like them, then I knew there was nothing wrong with me but it was ok for him to tell me that he preferred strawberries : )

He responded that he would love to go out for dinner.  In mid-September 2008 we met at a restaurant, I wore flat shoes intentionally, and we had an incredible time.  It was first time I felt interested in going with someone a second time because he intrigued me.  I could tell already that he was intelligent, worldly, fun, active and really, really nice and sweet.

Five years later, we're married and have just celebrated our daughter's 3 year birthday!!  It turns HE IS ALL THE TRAITS ONE WHICH I WOULDN'T COMPROMISE and NONE OF THE ONES ON WHICH I WOULD!

I think it's important to make the "compromise" and "non-compromise" list.  To me it equates to the 3rd of law of physics again - for every positive you have to have a negative.  You will not get everything you want and HE WILL NOT BE PERFECT BUT HE MUST BE PERFECT FOR YOU!

Programmation to get what you want in life - Part 3 - the Vision Board

I was now a firm believer that I was able to get what I wanted in life by:  1) determining what I wanted, 2) writing it down, and 3) believing that it would happen.  It had worked like magic with my husband.  He was everything I had "ordered" :)  It was also working for my great friend Kathy, who is detailing her experiences in our blog as well.  Now I was excited to see what other things I could order and get!

I was pushing 40, was newly married, and we both wanted a child/children.  For some unknown reason though, I was nervous to create a new list of programmation for a baby and kept stalling.  At that time, Kathy wanted to go with me to a locally advertised evening where all present would be creating a dream/vision board.   This involved an evening of searching through magazines and finding pictures and quotations of items you want to attract into your life that you paste onto a cardboard surface.  You then put this vision board in a place where you can see it each day as a reminder to keep focusing on your goals and dreams.  During that evening, I found this adorable picture of a dark haired baby boy.  I had to put him on my vision board.  He looked a lot like my husband.  That evening was what I needed to get me motivated to focus my energy on a baby - what we were wanting.

From that evening on, I was re-energized.  I created a list of programmation for our baby and found myself spending more and more time trying to make our baby a reality.  I joined "baby clubs" online (www.babycenter.ca), calculated, using my monthly cycle, when I could get pregnant, and daily read articles online on this topic.  I was so focused.  Within a short time, I was pregnant!  I had never been pregnant before, yet here I was!  I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy who is now four years old and as wonderful as ever.

My husband and I both wanted more children, yet neither of us could get motivated the way we were with our baby.  I tried creating a new vision board and more than once a list of programmation, but my heart just wasn't in it - and it never came about.  It's like it wasn't meant to be.  I really believe in my case that the desire and feeling of expectation helped make our baby a reality for us.

The law of attraction is simple physics....

In reading Susan's blog, I realized how similar my story was in meeting my husband and her blog inspired me to write about it.  At that time I didn't title it programmation or thought of it as programming.  I simply thought of it as Newton's third law of motion - to every action there's an equal and opposite reaction.
The action = Put your energy and passion towards what you want while articulating it clearly in writing. Do this often - everyday, several times a week or a couple of times of a week but somehow make time to prioritize it.
The reaction = The universe will find a way to bring it to you.

Several years ago, I was divorced, a work-a-holic (90 hours per week) and a runner.  I wasn't dating a lot because I wan't making time for it and when I did go out on a date, it simply wasn't a match.  During the second year of my newly divorced life I decided to start a gratitude journal (my first entry was on Feb 24, 2008) to take me out of my work-a-holic cloud and bring me back to reality a bit.  All I did was write the things for which I was grateful that day some of which were my health, being alive, my family, the smiles and laughter I share with my niece and nephew and "to be given the experiences I encounter in my job and being exposed to cultures in many different countries."
On Feb 26, 2008 I modified my journal to include "I want..." after I documented "I am grateful for..." I figured it was important to focus on gratitude as well as articulating my wants in life.  Here is what I wrote:
"I want to have a positive influence on all people with whom I come into contact."
" I want to marry a man w"
I wasn't able to finish the sentence when it came to the man I wanted to marry because I didn't yet know how to articulate what I looking for.  How could I even meet the man I wanted to meet if I couldn't even define him in words?
Feb 28, 2008 I was "grateful for having a great evening with Susan (This is the Susan with whom I write this blog) and for attracting such a nice girl into my life."  That day I started my journey to articuating the man for whom I was looking and wrote " I want to meet, fall in love with and marry a man who is intelligent, honest, trustworthy, has integrity, credibility, to whom I am wildly attracted, who is supportive, is in love with me, who is wild about me, brings out the best in me and in whom I bring out the best." I vividly remember writing these words and not feeling connected to them.  I wasn't yet emotionally assocating the words with the wants but it was a step closer to meeting him.  I know knew how to define him but it felt a little robotic.
As I was journaling, people had been trying to set me up with this person named Barry.  Barry and I knew each other for nearly 15 years but we had not dated.  About one year before I met my former husband, a friend wanted to set me up with Barry but he thought I was too tall for him (we're actually the same height but I used to wear high heels which made me tower over him).  I let it go and she then set me up with the man who became my former husband.
Back to my second year of being divorced.  When people would ask to set me up with Barry, I would simply tell them to forget it because he thought I was too tall.  Over the year this happened 8 times!  Some were friends, some were people I met at the salon while getting my nails done but it happened quite often.  The last one was the strangest and the catalyst to meeting the man I would later marry.
I'll continue this story next time ....now I have to go purchase some things for our soon to be 3 year old's birthday party.....: )