Imagine someone asked you to walk through a huge room of people - some of them friends, most of them strangers. This would be no typical walk about. Before you could begin your trek, you would have to sit cross legged on the floor until both legs were numb. You would have to wear 20-30 pound weights on each leg - that nobody would be able to see. And finally, you would be spun around until you were dizzy enough to nearly fall down. Nobody else in the room would be aware of the pre-requisites to this walk.
As you enter the room, you would use all your energy trying not to make a scene, yet despite your best efforts, you would be noticed. Many would look at you puzzled, unsure what to make of you. Some would offer you a helping hand. Others would wonder if you were drunk and look away with a laugh or in partial disgust. Within minutes you would feel exhausted beyond belief, and would be forced to sit down to regain your strength. While seated you would feel fine and would appear to be normal once again to all, but you would eventually need to get up, and the cycle would begin all over again.
The above situation would be more bearable IF it was a one time occurrence, but unfortunately it's not. You will now wake up every day with numb legs and feet. It will seem like 25 pounds have been added to each leg, and you will have a loss of balance that will make you feel as if you could fall at any given moment. You will have test after test after MRI and eventually be told that you have an incurable disease that generally progresses with time. You will have multiple sclerosis (MS).
So how in the world do you deal with this? I can tell you from personal experience, having had this illness for 17 years, that it's not easy. One of the most important things I've learned in life is that EVERYONE has something in their life to deal with that is just as debilitating to them as the MS is to me. I always remember this whenever I feel like throwing a pity party. So many people today are suffering in silence since their problem is not obvious to all the way mine is. True, mine is a biggie, but I can honestly say that I would not be the person I am today without it.
I have learned what an absolutely amazing husband I have who is always there for me, as frustrating as I'm sure it is for him. Due to this illness, I met some absolutely fantastic people who have become as close to me as sisters. They suffer from the same illness as me, and share the same beliefs as well - that we would rather spend our time finding ways to make the best of our situation, staying as healthy and as fit as possible, helping each other through our highs and lows. The wonderful friends I have who don't share this illness definitely understand and help me in ways too numerable to mention here. And last but certainly not least, I have my family who taught me to be positive no matter what life throws at you.
We are who we are due to our life experiences and how we choose to handle them. No one said life would be easy or fair, but we can make it the best life possible if we choose to make it that way. In my next blog, I'll discuss specific ways I use to stay positive.
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