In 2009, at the age of 40 and many unsuccessful attempts to get pregnant naturally, I went through fertility testing. The results of the tests, received September 2, 2009, indicated that I had a follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) level of 20 and 2 follicles in my ovaries. At the time, these results meant nothing to me however I now understand what a low probability I had of getting pregnant. I learned that an FSH level of 20 is quite high while 2 follicles is extremely low. My understanding is the lesser the follicles, the higher the FSH level as your body increases this level to try to stimulate follicle growth in your ovaries (the reason for which it's called the Follicle Stimulating Hormone).
The doctor explained that my only option was in vitro fertilization (IVF) at which point I asked for a detailed description of the process. As she started to inform me that the process began on the 3rd of the menstrual cycle I stopped listening. I was in the midst of my cycle that day and my first day was on August 31 so I began counting. August 31 - day 1, September 1 - day 2, September 2 - DAY 3! Oh my gosh! It was day 3! I asked whether I could start the process immediately since it was day 3 of my cycle. She walked away to discuss this with the Director of the facility, returned and informed me that I was able to start but would have to wait a long while before seeing the next doctor. That day, I began the IVF journey to become a mom. I spent the next 7 days injecting hormones in the morning and evening, going to the clinic every second morning for ultrasounds and blood tests to monitor my follicle growth and hormone levels. The good news was that my ovaries produced 4 - 5 follicles, a very exciting outlook having begun with an indication of 2.
On the 9th day, a procedure to collect the eggs was performed which resulted in 3 eggs, even more exciting! I spent the entire day, evening and night focused on fertilization. I envisioned, reiterated the word and constantly thought "fertilize." In my mind's eye, I could see the two cells in an egg and that's all I could think about. The laboratory called us the following day and informed us that one of the three eggs fertilized. Although my immediate reaction was a disappointing "oh, only one" my next thought was "this is the one! This is my little survivor!" I had an exceedingly positive feeling that this was the one! This was my baby and all would be fine.
The next day, Sunday September 13, 2009 (a day I will not forget) my husband and I went to the clinic to have the embryo transferred into my uterus. Before the embryo is placed into the uterus, it is put on a television screen for us to see, live and real time! I wasn't aware that we would see the embryo, live, so remember feeling happily surprised that I had such a wonderful opportunity to see my future child as a four-celled embryo. Suddenly I realized that this process was a gift. Had I gotten pregnant naturally, I would have missed this, what I feel is a grand opportunity. I was afforded the chance to see my future child start life before it evolved into human form, before it had a heart, before it had veins, eyes, a head. I saw it at the very beginning stages when it was simply four cells wrapped in a protective shield (called the zona) providing it with a safe place to continue its cell multiplication in the process of becoming my baby. They transferred it from the petri dish to a catheter and into my uterus in a very specific location giving it the utmost chance of survival. I was told to lie there for 15 minutes just to give the little embryo a chance to settle in, although it will float around the uterus for approximately 4 days. This was a tremendously exciting feeling and I said, Welcome Home while putting my hands on my lower abdomen.
Then came the two week waiting period which can be excruciating. The waiting period is filled with physiological and psychological changes. I was continuing to inject hormones, progesterone, on a daily basis as part of the continued protocol to increase my chances of getting pregnant. These hormones can give the person the same symptoms as being pregnant which certainly doesn't make it easy during this waiting period. My senses were on hyper-alert, paying attention to every little feeling I had. On one hand I was trying to maintain a calm, even keel and be realistic to the possibility that this might not succeed. On the other hand, staying positive, envisioning being pregnant, giving birth and holding my baby for the first time was also floating through my mind's eye. The challenging part of this two week wait is trying to stay balanced between the two thoughts. I didn't want to be overly positive resulting in a potential crash with disappointment if it failed however I didn't want to exude negative energy potentially sabotaging the success of the embryo implanting. This was the biggest struggle throughout this period of time all the while, your body is feeling every little sensation, every cramp, headache, pain, soreness and/or bloating. Ughhh!
Then comes the time to visit the clinic for the HCG blood test - the test you hope will be positive and indicate that you're pregnant. At the beginning of this process I had envisioned texting my husband "We did it! It worked! I'm Pregnant!" Now I sat in the waiting room waiting to be called in for the blood test. My heart was beating directly into my ears. I had had no bleeding, I had cramps, my boobs were sore and I had headaches. Could I be pregnant? Was this simply a result of the progesterone injections? Am I? Am I not? Try not to think about it because after the blood test comes the call.....
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